You’ll Love ‘The Odyssey’ Even If You Think You Won’t

This week:

• I was unexpectedly blown away by The Odyssey.
• How is this Will Ferrell show this bad?
• Sam Neill, a legend forever.
• Always crying alongside Jennifer Garner.
• The diarrheapocalypse.

Even the Haters Will Love It

The most intellectual a person can ever feel is learning what a Trojan horse is in high school, and then using it as a metaphor in an essay.

I did this in so many essays. I still do it in stories I write for the Daily Beast, a smug smirk on my face as I put punctuation at the end of the sentence. “They’re going to think I’m so smart,” I whisper to myself while typing some insufferable thought about heavy themes being smuggled into a TV show through comedy. Hell yeah.

I saw The Odyssey, Christopher Nolan’s adaptation of the epic poem, which was so anticipated that IMAX screenings sold out a year in advance. I’m gonna throw out a novel opinion that no critic has said yet and hasn’t been every headline you’ve read since the review embargo lifted: It’s freaking incredible.

But the revelation for me, the person who fancied himself the second-coming of Homer at age 16 and took an entire class on The Odyssey while in college, is that it’s not a chore. The movie never feels like homework, at least beyond the fact that it is absolutely going to slap when an English teacher spends the last three days before spring break playing it instead of lecturing the class.

There was a cravenness among cinephiles and such a presumptuous certitude that it would be an excellent film before it even came out that I was sure The Odyssey would be tedious, at best, and indulgent, at worst.

I think the most respectful criticism a person can make of a film is the phrase “not for me.” It’s not saying it’s bad, or accusing people who enjoy it of having poor taste. It’s understanding what pleases you, and, while appreciating something’s merits, acknowledging this doesn’t satisfy those requirements.

I think there are a lot of people who think that, because of the, like, centuries-long mythology, the hype of it all, and the notion of how “serious” it is, The Odyssey is not “for” them. They will believe it’s a well-made film, but just not up their alley. It is the fairest thing to believe, because I believed it too.

What I’m here to say is that we’re all wrong. The Odyssey is so good that even people who think that they would never like a movie like The Odyssey will leave saying things like, “What a picture!,” as if they’ve suddenly time-traveled to the 1940s. That’s how much they’ll marvel at it.

I was most impressed by how precariously close the movie dances to full-on Hollywood parody, to the point of weeble-wobbling on the line, swinging its hands and warbling “whoa-eee-yikes,” without actually falling over it.

You could almost hear Tina Fey in a 30 Rock writer’s room brainstorming, “What’s the most stupidly pretentious thing Hollywood could do? Let’s put Matt Damon and all the most famous people in the industry in a movie together, make them all as inexplicably hot as possible, and, like, have them perform that Homer poem from the 8th century B.C. Get Christopher Nolan to direct it.”

And, god (Zeus?), the movie is so serious. Everything is just so intense. I wonder if Nolan paraded around the set with a megaphone just screaming, “Good, but now do it more constipated!”

There are things that happen in this movie that are basically The Three Stooges sketches. Booby-trapping Cyclops? Stowing yourselves in a giant horse so you can surprise someone? If you think about all these things too literally, from these action set pieces to even the intense conversations happening about the meaning of life between Matt Damon and…every character he encounters, you’ll get the giggles.

So it’s astounding that The Odyssey so nimbly tiptoes along that line. Every piece of action—and it’s relentless—is riveting. Every meaningful monologue, however melodramatic, does a lil’ slapping of the bass of your heart strings. Each showy camera shot transcends; no matter how skeptical, you can’t resist admitting, “That’s really cool.”

I also respect just how heavily the film leans into the, again, potential parody-making Huge Hollywood Event of it all.

They really did get all the famous people to star in this one. Zendaya kind of just shows up to say four or five lines while her hair dances so spectacularly in the wind that a tear streams down your face. Hot damn, does Matt Damon look sexy in this film. Did the people of Ithaca train their soldiers to shave their body hair religiously, no matter how many years had passed since the war? Apparently so. And when Charlize Theron showed up, she was so breathtaking that everyone in my theater collectively gasped.

Then there’s the performances! Tom Holland has never been better. Lupita Nyong’o makes a full all-you-can-eat buffet meal out of a role that amounts to three almonds as a snack. Samantha Morton runs away with the movie, with around 10 minutes of screentime. And Anne Hathaway makes the bold choice of performing her role as if she has already won the Academy Award for it, a feat of “confidence as performance” that, in the end, is incredibly gratifying to watch.

Then, in the final act, you start to sit with what the film is saying about responsibility, about what we owe our brothers and sisters in order to keep civilization thriving, about the sacrifice to do that, about our vulnerability to the people who will pounce on an opportunity for power at our expense, about family…

I’m going to stop now because this will veer dangerously close to one of those obnoxious, aforementioned high school essays if I keep trying to elucidate meaning. But, in conclusion, go see The Odyssey. You’ll love it even if you don’t think you will.

I Think We Need a Mulligan

It’s always admirable when an actor known for humor braves a role in which there are absolutely no laughs to be had. Unfortunately for Will Ferrell, that role is in what is supposed to be a comedy.

The new Netflix series The Hawk is incomprehensibly bad. It’s the kind of bad that I ended up watching the entire season, certain that, at some point, there’s going to be a payoff. All this labor to produce not a single joke worth even a chuckle…that can’t all have been in vain? But alas.

The Hawk stars Ferrell as a past-his-prime golfer who, following a tragedy, decides to give his championship dreams one last go. Given how boorish and narcissistic he is, that’s less inspiring than it is a hassle. Ferrell’s take on his character is like a bull in a china shop, but the bull is blindfolded and on ecstasy, and the items in the shop are things you actually really don’t want to get ruined. (Molly Shannon and Jimmy Tatro innocent.)

One can reasonably suspect that Ferrell is trying to tap into nostalgia for the early 2000s comedies that everyone loved: Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Old School, and Step Brothers.

These movies are in my DNA. I worship dear Lord baby Jesus. I love lamp. I knew Kathryn Hahn was going to be huge before anyone because she’s the funniest human alive in Step Brothers. Blue is my boy. I am Ron Burgundy?

But nostalgia has a limit. The Hawk is supposed to be a comeback story, but it serves more as an argument that some schticks should be retired. Ferrell is wildly talented. I’m more excited for what’s at the 19th hole than revisiting the same stuff he did over and over again in 18.

Sam Neill Was the Best

I’ve said this before, and I hope it’s not macabre, but one of the pleasures of a celebrity death is the excavating of things they’ve done or said or accomplished that, whether you’re learning about it for the first time or being reminded, strike a chord.

That certainly happened with Sam Neill, the star of Jurassic Park, who died at age 78.

There was the exchange he had and co-star Jeff Goldblum had involving the dinosaur film, Princess Diana, and farts that had me howling.

And his advice for getting away with murder, which is honestly pretty solid.

So it’s natural that he had apparently once screen-tested to be James Bond. What could have been…

You Can Exhale Now

It turns out that Jennifer Garner just talking about her famous Love, Simon monologue to her character’s son after he comes out will make you as emotional as the scene itself. Watch this video.

A Meme for the Moment

Everyone these days talking about insane diarrhea... First of all, my culture is not your costume. Second of all, why is it that I’ve never craved a chicken caesar wrap more in my life than now being told it might make me shoot Old Faithful out my bum?

More From The Daily Beast’s Obsessed

Murray Bartlett, the star of the first season of The White Lotus, has an idea for how his character could come back from the dead. Watch here.

The show with the hands-down best vibes on TV is back. Read more.

A major Saturday Night Live star won’t be back next season. Read more.

What to Watch This Week

The Odyssey: So there’s this little movie opening this weekend… (Now in theaters)

Lucky: Whatever happens in Vegas…becomes an Apple TV crime thriller. (Now on Apple TV)

Heartstopper Forever: No gay romance is actually this cute, but it’s lovely to watch anyway. (Now on Netflix)

What to Skip This Week

The Hawk: I’ll never get those hours back. (Now on Netflix)