After years spent crafting and playing into the “character” of Pamela Anderson, the woman behind the living, breathing bombshell says she actually feels like people are rooting for the real her for the first time. In a new interview with journalist Ronan Farrow for Interview magazine, Anderson explained that she looked back on the time in her life that she spent “trying to be beautiful, trying to be accepted, trying to be loved” with some measure of disbelief. “It almost feels surreal,” Anderson said. “It’s like time is an illusion and we’re talking about this other person, but that was me.” She explained that having her children started her on the path towards reconciling those dual parts of herself. “You don’t want to put that kind of pressure on your kids, but my kids did save me,” Anderson told Farrow. More recently, she said, “between doing Broadway”—playing Roxie in Chicago—“and writing this book”—her memoir, Love, Pamela, which hit shelves Tuesday—“it’s really saved my life.” Hearing the standing ovation at her first Chicago performance, she recalled, “I actually feel rooted for… It was such a profound moment.”