Charlie Kirk must be so proud. The free speech warrior is, no doubt, looking down from his heavenly perch beside Martin Luther King Jr. and congratulating ABC for their decision to return Jimmy Kimmel to the airwaves.
Yesterday, in a stunning about-face, ABC’s parent company, The Walt Disney Corporation, folded to public outrage over the late-night talk show host’s suspension, declaring Kimmel’s “indefinite” hiatus was—after a few days watching their subscriptions hemorrhage and stock price plummet—downright finite. Why the change of heart? In a word, huge-freaking-piles-of-cash. Some estimates put their losses over the week at around four billion dollars. That’s a lotta cheddar, even for the world’s richest mouse.
But lest you think this is all about money, think again. This is about free speech, and in the spirit of reconciliation I would like to offer a heartfelt mea culpa to MAGA. All of my ranting and raving regarding this administration’s continued attacks on the First Amendment were baseless hand-waving. I should have known better.
Toll the Liberty Bell, patriots! Freedom rings again! The First Amendment is alive and well. Anybody who says otherwise better shut the hell up.
Some in MAGA world aren’t pleased. Wrote Benny Johnson, the rightwing podcast host on whose show FCC Chairman Brendan Carr first threatened ABC’s broadcast license over Kimmel’s innocuous remarks: “The Democratic Party is angrier that Jimmy Kimmel got a paid vacation to be with his children than that Charlie Kirk will never see his children again.”
But our glorious President Trump came into office vowing to make free speech great again. And that’s exactly what he’s doing! If we’re going to come together as a nation, we’ve got to find it in our hearts to forgive those who trespass against us. If this Kimmel brouhaha has taught us anything, it’s that rank corruption and malice towards a full half of the American population isn’t anything to get too worked-up about. Unless, maybe, it’s your half?
I mean, sure, MAGA pressured CBS to cancel Colbert in order to gain approval for a merger. And sure, the Trump administration is still trying to deport Columbia student Mahmoud Khalil for protesting the US’s complicity in the continuing ethnic cleansing in Gaza. I will admit they did bar the Associated Press from White House events because they opted to call the Gulf of Mexico “The Gulf of Mexico.” And, if we’re going to nitpick, they’ve also pressured law firms, colleges and private companies to restrict their own speech. Fine, yes, they’re disappearing scientific reports that disagree with official Trump policy on such matters as climate change and the prevalence of right-wing violence compared to that which originates on the left. And I guess the Karens among you will note that the Pentagon is now instituting a new policy requiring journalists “sign a pledge” that they will refrain from obtaining or using “unauthorized material” in their reporting. (What is “unauthorized material”? Easy. Whatever Pete Hegseth says so, and I’m not even sure he can read.) I suppose one could make the argument that all of these are attacks on the First Amendment—if one were a libtard crybaby.
But none of that matters because Jimmy Kimmel is back!!!
Again, I’m sorry to all my MAGA friends. Sorry that I ever doubted your commitment to the First Amendment. And the Fourth Amendment. And the Tenth Amendment. Maybe even the Twenty Fifth Amendment, if those cankles keep on swelling. And certainly the one about emoluments. Sorry that I believed the President when, last week on Air Force One, he informed the press corps that comedians “aren’t allowed” to criticize him. He didn’t mean it. That was just Trump being Trump, ha ha.
A more cynical writer might opine that all of this—every goddamned thing—is driven by greed. Greed on the part of the administration. Greed on behalf of Trump’s donors looking to wet their beak. And yes, greed on the part of the Walt Disney Corporation. Of course, worse, perhaps than the financial hit the company took over the last week was the hit to its reputation.
I mean, when you’ve got Disney adults—that strange Peter Pan-like subset of Americans who’ve decided to make Splash Mountain and novelty pins their personality—canceling their vacation plans, you’re, as Tinkerbell might say, f--ked.
The two station groups at the heart of the dispute, Nexstar and Sinclair, have both decided not to air Kimmel’s show, opting for local news coverage instead, which now sets up a perilous conflict between ABC and its largest distributors. Nexstar, as you probably read, is trying to get FCC approval for a merger with some other stupid company, which is what prompted their whole capitulation mess in the first place. As for Sinclair, they’re just dicks.
Still, all eyes will be on Kimmel’s return tonight, which is a hilarious table-turning moment for Trump since all he cares about is ratings. Some are asking him to take a page from Erika Kirk’s incredible moment during the memorial tribute to her husband when, voice trembling, she said she called for unity, forgiving his killer. Might Kimmel find similar grace or, as I suspect most of his viewers want, will he load up his elephant gun and take aim at the Republicans who tried to have him taken out to pasture?
Whatever he decides to do tonight, and in the weeks and months ahead, I just hope that Kimmel will remember that when push came to shove, the president had his back. I’m sorry, did I say “had his back”? I meant to say, stabbed him in the back. Congratulations to Jimmy Kimmel on his return and for never bending the knee. I don’t know where free speech is heading for the country, but I’m happy to take all the victories we can find.
